My DJing career has been pretty uneventful, to be honest. No huge festival gigs, never played outside of Germany (not counting the week I spent on Ibiza for a TV show and played music for myself in the hotel room), no wild stories to tell. Well, except this one. Although “wild” depends on your definition. It involves a dozen naked people and a bunch of live sex, but I guess for some people it might still be a pretty square story.

It was around 2012 or 13. I didn’t actually have a paid DJ gig for a variety of personal reasons. By that point I already played 100% of my DJ sets through the miracle of livestreaming. (Not sure which now defunct site I used for streaming then.) I wasn’t really actively looking for gigs, but also wasn’t opposed getting them. So when an online friend randomly dropped on Twitter that a nearby-ish (2 hours with bus and train) Swingerclub was looking for a DJ for a House Music night, well, it’s not that I jumped on the phone and immediately begged them to hire me, but after one or two days of consideration, I went to their website and sent them an e-mail. Not sure what made me consider applying for THAT gig, but I guess it had to do with nudity.

Before that night, I never was in a swingerclub. I knew them from the sex magazines on German late night TV of the late 90s/early 00s. (Shoutout to Lilo Wanders!) So for all the innocent people who have absolutely no idea what that is: Basically it’s a kind of bar or, well, club, where adults of any age can meet and have consensual sex with different partners or let others watch while they have sex with their partners. There are no prostitutes. It’s really just normal people fucking normal people, who they maybe only met a few minutes ago.

I never really asked why I was hired, but I got that gig. It wasn’t a big, well known club, as far as I could tell. More a bit of a “mom & pop” business, on the upper floor above a gambling den. So maybe I was the first and only one who applied. The owners, a really lovely couple in their late 40s, weren’t big House heads, but as real swingers, they were obviously open minded and thought they should try a “disco night”, like other clubs have. Normally the background music came from a long MP3 Playlist of Schlager and Pop music, as I was told. So having a live DJ was also new and exciting for them.

I asked them if it was possible for me to stop by a few days before the party, to check the location and see what I need to hook my equipment up. They let me in during a late afternoon, while they were preparing one of their mid-week parties. I wasn’t sure what to expect. Like, would I be greeted by some naked, old couple who would try to seduce me? No, since the party wasn’t starting until a few hours later, they were wearing normal street clothes and the only touch was a handshake. What really surprised me, was how big the club was. Definitely bigger than my apartment, four or five different rooms (Still jealous of the really comfy looking, huge beds, a big balcony and of course the main room, with a bar and a small dancefloor, where I was supposed to play. You never would’ve guessed that from the outside. (Like I said: Top floor above a gambling den.) On a technical level there didn’t seem to be any problems from my side. Everything was easy to plug in and they could set up a good table for my equipment. They also talked about some rules. Like they acknowledged that I wasn’t a swinger, so I didn’t have to obey the dresscode (Sexy underwear or naked), but at least shouldn’t look too unsexy. So no filthy sweatpants or shit like that. (Thankfully I’m generally pretty well dressed, so that wasn’t a problem.) However after my set, I would be allowed to join any sexual activity I was invited to. (If I did it or not, is up to your imagination.) Also they let me take a snack from their freshly put up buffet for the way home.

Cut to Saturday evening. I arrived a bit more than an hour before the party’s official start to set everything up. This time the owners were wearing some definitely more revealing clothes, which needed a bit to get used to from my side. (No bodyshaming here. Just saying that I wasn’t used to be around strangers who had their genitals exposed.) We agreed to a set time from 9pm till midnight. (Since I had to catch the last train home, I couldn’t stay all night) The party would be going for a few more hours, so I also gave them a bunch of extra tunes on CD, that they could play when I was finished. Early on, the first few guests arrived, so the club was filling up with titty and dong, while I was doing my preparations.

Now let me tell you a few words about the guests that night. The cliche about swingerclubs is of course “fat, old people in thongs”. And variations of them were there, but what surprised me, was how diverse the audience (or “audience”) was. Young ones, old ones, thick, thin, from average looking to extremely hot. And they all seemed to know each other. Or at least from my POV, everybody was greeted like friends and there was a lot of chatting involved. Yeah, to be honest, I was surprised how much time everybody spent just hanging out and talking, instead of playing with each other’s naughty parts. Obviously I had a job to do, so although most said hi, waved or nodded at me for a greeting, only few came actually up to me to talk to me for a bit.

That said, after a while, things got going. Suddenly I heard some really sexual screams from one of the other rooms and then I knew it was on. I however had not so much fun. During my set, nobody was dancing. They were either sitting together and talking to each other or going to another room to fuck. Okay, a few had sex on the couches around the dancefloor, which might have led to a few trainwrecked transitions from my side. A few were shaking their hips when they walked across the room, so I guess that kinda counts as dancing. I tried to hide my frustration as good as I could and just focused on the music while enjoying the view.

I mean, I don’t wanna sound too negative. I spent the evening getting paid to play my music for a crowd of a good size. That’s fun! And nobody complained to me about my track selection or had any really dumb requests. Of course I acknowledge that none of them came to hear me playing in the first place.  Plus: It was a whole new experience! How many of you ever played a whole three hour DJ set surrounded by more or less naked people? But a bit more dance party feeling would’ve been nice.

However: When I checked the club’s website a day or two later, feedback was very positive! The guest book was full of comments about how much fun everybody had and how much they liked the music. Not sure if they ever did another House night though. If they did, they didn’t call me. But that’s okay. Still a fun memory.

Photo courtesy of Gratisography